{Sweet} Solitude

“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” – Warsan Shire

So, do you have a boyfriend? Are you seeing anyone? Who are you dating at the moment? Anyone special in your life right now?

I’ve grown accustomed to hearing these questions pretty much my whole life. And in that, for awhile, I had grown accustomed to a looming uncomfortable (and self-conscious) feeling attached… having to scramble with some kind makeshift answer. Look, I think relationships are a beautiful aspect of life. I’ve seen it time and time again, where two people bring out the best in each other and have discovered their partner in life. And I do want that… in due time.

Here’s the thing, guys… as much as society wants to push relationships and paint a stigma towards the single folks of the world and how relationships are the goal…

There is such a beauty in solitude – in self-discovery, in self-love. Hear me out… at this stage in my life, I am single and all is just as it should be. I am happy right now and that should be all that matters.

For most of my life, I aimlessly walked around – self-esteem non-existent, feeling unwanted and unworthy of love. I was shameful of the lack thereof, and more than anything, shameful about how I felt about myself. My gosh, have we forgotten that our relationship with ourselves is the most important in our lives? That we are beautiful souls, capable and worthy of love? I’ve only just learned that in the past few years. I’ve only just truly met myself in the past few years and am progressively delving into this discovery more and more, day by day. And it’s glorious.

My solitude has taught me all that I need to know about life and who I am. It’s an endless discovery that I truly can’t get enough of. This has nothing to do with a lack of capacity for love or wanting to share that piece of myself with someone else. I do love, every single day of my life, with every person I come in contact with. I am love, always have been.

Beyond my solitude, life has taught me that everything falls together in due time and when it is meant to. Nothing, and I mean nothing, has happened in my life outside of the timing when I’m ready for it. Moving to California is a prime example, among so many others. I was so caught up for so long in all of these things I wanted and what I thought I needed. And I would get so immersed in these thoughts, that I would get anxious, fearful, distracted. And I forgot about the present moment, and I lost touch with myself. And now, here I am. Sitting here, in solitude, feeling full. Feeling present. Feeling in love with my life.

This is not my post about being a strong, independent woman. This is my post about being love and learning that our souls are meant to be loved and cared for, by ourselves first. This is about being open and ready for what’s to come, but learning to not rush or catalyze these things. Knowing that timing is everything and that the present moment is where you will find solace. This is about settling into your being, dropping comparison, dropping all of the “rules” and “guidelines” in how things should be. My path is mine, and I will never doubt the timing of my life. Neither should you.